Ok, I know that subject line seems a bit grandiose. But I'm not exaggerating.

The other morning, I woke up with that now-familiar heaviness—you know the one—after a night of dreams filled with news headlines, social media arguments, and the desperate sense that we're coming apart at the seams. As I sat with my morning tea, trying to ground myself for my day, I reflected on the spectrum of perspectives and beliefs across my family, my community, my clients… and it dawned on me:

We have so much in common that we can’t see. We want the same things: to be safe and healthy, to be successful (however we define success), to be loved. The main difference, it seems to me, is whether we believe we can all have those things. Or if we think we’re playing a zero-sum game: Either you lose, or I do.

This month I’m inviting you to opt out of the old either/or paradigm that's played a major role in creating the deeply divided, highly volatile state of our world today… and into a new paradigm that holds the promise of more connection, more compassion and more creative solutions to our most pressing problems.

As you’ll see, this paradigm shift can scale down too—it's as relevant to our daily lives, careers and organizational cultures as it is to our societal ills. When we as leaders make this shift, we expand our perspective and our influence.

And we sleep better at night.

With that in mind, I invite you to read what follows not through a conceptual lens, but through a practical one. Let's practice this shift together with the real tensions we face every day.

JUDGMENT X NEUTRALITY

Both/And Thinking

We don't have to look too hard to find those tensions.

Personally, we contend with tension of work <=> life as we strive for something that feels like balance. We’re challenged to reconcile self <=> other when setting boundaries in relationships with family, friends and colleagues. In conversation and collaboration, we swing back and forth between knowing <=> learning.

Organizationally, more tensions show up in the form of:

• Short-term <=> long-term priorities
• Centralized control <=> distributed autonomy
• Tradition <=> change
• Purpose <=> profit

Societally, it gets even simpler (which is to say, not simple at all):

• Global <=> local
• Ends <=> means
• Right <=> wrong
• Us <=> them

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Problem or Paradox?

Either/Or Thinking sees these tensions as problems. Problems we can solve in absolute terms, if we can only make the right decision between one or the other.

Those absolute terms naturally pit us against one another—and sometimes against ourselves. It oversimplifies complex situations by forcing a choice between two stark options. As we all know from personal experience, this kind of thinking is incredibly stressful.

It's also a fallacy. One that’s deeply ingrained in our systems—from our neural networks to our political parties to our P&Ls. So, what's the alternative?

Both/And Thinking recognizes these tensions as part of a paradox.

A paradox is made of contradictory and interdependent elements that exist simultaneously and persist over time.

And here's the thing: Paradoxes can't be solved.

I know that sounds like bad news, but I find it liberating: The pressure to solve is gone. The practice is to engage, explore and integrate the paradox elements. And the possibilities are endless.

Think of it like musical harmony. Either/or thinking insists that either the bass line or the melody matters in a song. Both/and thinking recognizes that beautiful music emerges precisely because different notes play simultaneously, creating something far richer than any single note could produce alone.

This is important: Both/and thinking doesn't mean being passive or neutral. It doesn’t draw false equivalencies that excuse the inexcusable or advocate for a bland unity that avoids tension. It’s also not particularly interested in compromise. Let me explain…

In either/or thinking, somebody’s going to lose. In a compromise, everyone loses a little. In both/and thinking, we can stay connected to the people on the other side even as we disagree with their position, and use that tension to generate new, more inclusive and creative ideas.

It's not easy to do—not for me, not for you, not for anybody. But it's essential. Wanna see how it works?

"No problem can be solved from the same
level of consciousness that created it."

—Albert Einstein

But how does Both/And Thinking work in the real world?

Let's look at the example of mandatory RTO, which I recently wrote about in this case study. Plenty of paradoxes are involved here, including the classic work <=> life and control <=> autonomy paradoxes mentioned above.

Here’s another paradox that captures the opposing but interdependent rationales of both sides: Being together builds connections and culture <=> Working remotely works better for many people and families.

Both arguments have validity, yet we feel the need to choose one over the other. Once we do that, the quality of our conversations starts to erode, we stop working toward creative solutions, and our connections weaken. Well, our connections to the "other side" weaken. We become more strongly connected to those we see as being on "our side" and start digging trenches together.

But what if we didn't choose a side at all? (Again, I don’t mean giving up, opting out or compromising.) What if we didn't see this as a problem to solve but as a tension to sit in, a paradox to play with?

I can tell you what happens, because I see it all the time with the teams I work with. Simply reframing a problem as a paradox allows them to stop pointing fingers and start having different kinds of conversations:

• What kinds of schedules support our ability to do our best work? What standards of excellence around our “best work” do we need to establish and reinforce?
• What kinds of work is essential to do in-person (e.g. team strategy sessions, feedback conversations), and what is better suited for working remotely (e.g. deep focus time, external calls)?
• What structures (including processes and policies) and spaces (virtual and IRL) can we design to support our ability to stay connected, no matter where we are?

As you can see, creative solutions emerge from our willingness to sit in a tension long enough to see more clearly and make new choices. We have to resist the urge to jump to one side of a paradox or the other, which we humans do to escape our discomfort with tension. But giving into it actually feels pretty great.

What do you notice in your own experience? For me, there's a spacious, relaxed kind of energy that arises when I'm able to release either/or in favor of both/and. Which makes sense: It’s one way of shifting from reactivity to creativity. And as we know, that’s what allows us to learn, grow and lead meaningful change.

This is why Embrace Paradox is one of the core principles of my work, and why in the RadiantLeader.co membership we’re integrating paradoxes all year long in 2025, like we did with doing x being in January and knowing x learning in February. Not only are we upgrading our leadership, we’re expanding our sense of ourselves and finding more space in the world around us.

That’s what I call a win-win-win.

us

the space between us
is smaller than it seems
maybe it's a mile wide
or a smile wide
maybe just one hair
divides here from there
or could we be the same
called by other names?

one thing I know to be true:
I contain multitudes
and so do you.

How to practice Both/And thinking this month

As you move into the madness of March, consider:

• Where in your life or work do you feel trapped between seemingly opposing forces?
• What possibilities emerge if you soften your grip on an either/or position you're currently holding?
• How might your leadership transform if you embrace this tension rather than trying to eliminate it?

And if you’re ready to put these both/and reflections in practice, you’ll want to join our March Mini-Retreat:

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Mini-Retreat: Expanding Your Perspective (+ Your Influence)

When life’s challenges defy simple solutions and leadership is full of impossible choices, either/or thinking isn’t just a limitation—it’s a liability.

​This Mini-Retreat offers you a glimpse into the expansive potential of both/and thinking. You'll learn how to open your perspective beyond false dichotomies, transforming apparent conflicts into creative possibilities. When we start seeing our “problems to solve” as paradoxes to play with, it can change our leadership, our relationships, and our lives.

Friday, March 14, 2025​
5-6:30 p.m. GMT
12-1:30 p.m. ET
9-10:30 a.m. PT

Zoom link sent upon registration.

Mini-Retreats are free for RadiantLeader.co members, who can RSVP here. 💛

I’ll close with a few of my favorite both/and thinking resources: ​

• ​Both/And Thinking: Embracing Creative Tensions to Solve Your Toughest Problems by Wendy K. Smith and Marianne W. Lewis
• ​Tangle, a daily newsletter that presents perspectives from across the political spectrum on the issues of the day (U.S.-focused)
• ​Deep Canvassing, an approach to conversations that prioritizes curiosity, compassion and storytelling to connect… I recently completed their free 101 training, and there are more scheduled in 2025!

​

Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear what you think about both/and thinking, go ahead and hit reply to send me a note. In the meantime, Reader, enjoy your practice.

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Onward together.

Kristen Lisanti
​Radiant Change​
​Training Leaders to Transform Cultures