Monthly provocations and practices for transformational leaders. This is how change (really) works.
What would surfing be without waves?
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Any period of meaningful change—including this one right here—is defined by its liminal space. Liminal comes from the Latin limen meaning threshold, the space between what used to be and what will come to be. It’s the uneasy transitional period within a relationship dissolving, an organization merging, a technology emerging, a regime changing. Right now, many of us are living inside several liminal spaces at once. We no longer recognize the world as it was, and we can’t yet see what shape it will settle into next. As you know all too well, this state of existing betwixt and between is profoundly uncomfortable. This discomfort is both the reason we resist change AND the catalyst for true transformation—if we can stay with it long enough to let it change us. “The crisis consists precisely in the fact that the old is dying and the new cannot be born; in this interregnum a great variety of monsters appear.”—Antonio Gramsci, Prison Notebooks TRUTH #4: CHANGE IS UNCOMFORTABLEWorking with (not against) resistance[Here’s an excerpt from my book-in-progress. Hit reply and let me know how this aligns with your experience.] Let’s look at how leaders in general—and you specifically—deal with other people’s resistance to change. Here’s a pattern I’ve noticed.
Is this feeling familiar? Maybe you’ve heard these phrases lately. Maybe you’ve said them. Now let’s consider the cost of this approach. Sure, we’ve made a solid case for change, but we’ve also activated our people’s amygdalas with a “burning platform“—manufactured urgency being a hallmark of traditional change management—without helping them process the emotions of anxiety and fear that arise quite naturally as a result. So when we ram change through, we might see some short-term progress, but many people will remain stuck in this trough of disillusionment. We may have moved on, but the resistance will persist. For the sake of speed (and avoiding our own discomfort with emotions) we’ve sacrificed connection, failed to build real alignment and lost trust. All of this means change is actually moving slower, not faster. There’s another way. I call it Surfing the Curve because, like the surfer in the trough of a wave, it invites us to work with resistance, not against it. To lean into discomfort around change, rather than denying or dismissing it. This is no small shift—it requires a committed through me mindset. Now, in addition to shaping our purposeful vision and activating our curiosity about the system we’re working with, this transformational mindset fuels our empathy in this, the hardest part of change. And, as you’ll see, it keeps that empathy focused on moving forward. In Practice: Surfing the CurveSurfing the Curve is how we leverage the trough of disillusionment to pick up speed and accelerate our progress up the other side of the change curve. 1. Expect Resistance. Every change involves some form of loss. If we don’t choose the change for ourselves, our brains tend to process that loss as a threat. And the natural response to a loss or a threat is to resist it. No surprise there! So you can welcome resistance as natural, normal and healthy—not a surprise, not a secret, not a problem. If you stop resisting resistance, you’ll see that it actually holds the keys to moving change forward. After all, what would surfing be without waves? 2. Gather Emotional Data. Those big feelings people are feeling contain priceless data pointing to what’s been lost and what’s needed now. Be an active listener, suspending your own agenda for a moment and getting genuinely curious about the feelings they’re experiencing. Seek to understand, then reflect back what you’re hearing to see if your understanding aligns with theirs. (This has the added benefit of clarifying their own thinking.) See if you can get to the place where you can authentically say, “That makes perfect sense.” Most importantly, resist the urge to shut down or disconnect. Notice your own emotional response, but continue to center the other person in your attention. Keep asking questions, listening deeply and reflecting until you’ve identified what losses and threats—real or perceived—they are experiencing. Insecurity may indicate a loss of status, anxiety may point to a need for certainty, anger can highlight a lack of fairness or a relational boundary that has been crossed. 3. Honor Losses. Make space to honor what is being lost in this change, and recognize perceived threats. A new process might seem like a loss of autonomy, while a new structure may mean a loss of relatedness. Whether real or perceived, you can honor the loss simply by naming it—recognize and empathize. You'll want to be skillful with your empathy. You’ve already used cognitive empathy to seek to understand someone else’s experience, but be careful about bringing too much emotional empathy, or you may get stuck in the trough too. Instead, call on compassionate empathy to move your care into action in a healthy, boundaried way, which brings us to the next step. 4. Meet Needs. Once you’ve recognized what a person, team or community needs, look for creative ways to meet those needs. Avoid trying to fix feelings—this will backfire every time. Stay focused on what people really need, and if they have trouble expressing this—how often do we humans know what we need, let alone feel comfortable communicating this to others?—use SCARF to inquire and explore. 5. Orient to the Vision. Now you can bring everyone back to why this matters, the benefits and progress it represents. I recommend doing this with a light touch, and only after the first four steps. Don’t rush through the hard stuff or impose possibilitivity on people—this will only break trust, create distance and deepen resistance. Their amygdalas need to feel safe before their prefrontal cortexes will be able to meaningfully connect to the vision. Remember, even when there’s no certainty (the SCARF element most reliably triggered by change), we can offer ourselves and others the gift of clarity. Sharing a vision is one way we do this. You may cycle through this process many times as you encounter new waves of resistance. That’s normal too. As you practice Surfing the Curve, two things will happen: you’ll find greater ease in these emotional waters and the waves will become shorter and less intense, with more space to breathe in between. [End of excerpt] If that sounds good to you, you’re not going to want to miss this month’s Mini-Retreat on May 15. We’ll be joined by Kris Jennings, author of Inspired by Fear: Becoming a Courageous Change Leader, who’ll bring deep wisdom and daily practices to help us move through resistance—our own and that of others—with ease. RadiantChange.co members will break down Surfing the Curve into weekly practices this month—if you're not yet a member of our community of practice, consider this your invitation to join us. May Mini-Retreat: WORKING WITH RESISTANCE | How to Surf the Change CurveYou know that moment when a change you believe in suddenly hits a wall—and the wall is made of people? Their pushback, their skepticism, their silence? Most leaders treat that moment as an obstacle. But that's not the whole story. In this 90-minute mini-retreat, we welcome guest Kris Jennings, author of Inspired by Fear: Becoming a Courageous Change Leader, for an honest conversation about the emotions that live inside resistance—yours and theirs. Together, we'll explore how to identify those emotions in real time, shift from reaction to response, and actually use the emotional energy of resistance to move change forward. You'll leave with simple practices you can bring to your next hard conversation, your next change initiative, or your next Monday morning. Friday, May 15, 2026 Zoom link sent upon registration
Mini-Retreats are free for RadiantChange.co members, who can RSVP here. A couple last links…I was on the Ugly, Irresponsible & Childish podcast this week, talking about the unique toxicity of agency cultures, why it doesn’t have to be this way, and the small shifts leaders at any level can make to build healthy, high-performing ecosystems. Did you see Hoppers? It might be my new favorite Pixar movie. It’s the story of Mabel’s mission to save the glade her grandmother loved, and it’s all about what works (and what doesn’t) in leading change. What Inside Out did for emotional intelligence, Hoppers does for systems thinking. Plus it’s just FUN. Enjoy! Onward together. Kristen Lisanti |
Radiant Change
Monthly provocations and practices for transformational leaders. This is how change (really) works.
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